hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
