Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
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You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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