Pappa wants mamma naked
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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