well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
