i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I smell stomach acid.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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