i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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