One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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