battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
