i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
