Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
