how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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