you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
