guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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