how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
