There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
