After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
