College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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