I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
