If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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