I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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