Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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