I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
