Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
