dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
