about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
