i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
