oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
