is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
