Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
