just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
