thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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