I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
