you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
