Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
