Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
