i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
