i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drunk is not a location!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
