so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
