that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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