My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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