May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i love accidental penises.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
