you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
