I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
