Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
BRING THE BAGELS
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
