we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
