nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
