Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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