I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
