I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
