So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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