She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
