i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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